Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
