I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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