I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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