bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
