i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
