Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
