Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
