I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
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There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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