The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
