I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Alive.
So much puke
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Dicks are not precious.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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