My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
