So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize