The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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