He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is Oprah even human
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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