I love black thongs
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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