He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
