so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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