Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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