Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
