all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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