Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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