I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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