I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
