my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
