Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
