Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
