The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
