we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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