I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
