So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
