I just made out with a guy for $7.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
