please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
