last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
