His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
