I wish my penis had an off switch
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
