its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
