Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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