omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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