there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
