carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
