i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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