he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
