i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
