Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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