I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
