We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
