Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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