I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
