ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize