A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
