yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
