U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
