You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
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I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
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In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
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