she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
