She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
