she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
