This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
You took a bar mat shot.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
