This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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