you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize