sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize