Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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