I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
