Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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