Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
