she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
