playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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