Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
