Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
two words: eviction party
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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