It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
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Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If its not for food we ain't going out.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize