I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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