i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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