I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
