I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
