I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
