He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He did a backflip because drugs
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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