well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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