so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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