Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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