Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
