That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
