He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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